Three days ago I had a meltdown. It lasted not more than a minute but it was very real.
The night before the meltdown, I had less than 4 hours of sleep. I woke up that morning with severe pain in my right eye and found that Sam's head had been resting on it. It must have been there for hours, because my cornea was warped enough to give me double-vision the rest of the day. The whole day was wasted trying to study for final exams in Diagnosis of Traditional Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture I, which are two most important classes in this semester. But every time I sat down to read, my headache only got worse.
Frustrated and exhausted, I tried to turn in early that night. But tried as hard as I could, I could not block out the neighbor's blaring TV, the educational shows from Sam's TV, and the Vietnamese soap opera from my mom's TV. Every detectable sound was another nail pounding into what already was a severe migraine. There was no escape. I was trapped in this situation, trapped in this apartment, trapped in this body, and trapped in this life. I wished I could just press a thermonuclear detonator and fry everything...or scream like a banshee and shatter everything around me.
The meltdown was well on its way to develop into a full-scale panic attack when I had an epiphany. If ever there was a mission from God for me, this was it. I am here, at this moment, in this body, because no one else can do this mission but me. This is my place in the universe. I am a cornerstone in this part of the universe. And with that epiphany, the meltdown disappeared as quickly as it came.
The night before the meltdown, I had less than 4 hours of sleep. I woke up that morning with severe pain in my right eye and found that Sam's head had been resting on it. It must have been there for hours, because my cornea was warped enough to give me double-vision the rest of the day. The whole day was wasted trying to study for final exams in Diagnosis of Traditional Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture I, which are two most important classes in this semester. But every time I sat down to read, my headache only got worse.
Frustrated and exhausted, I tried to turn in early that night. But tried as hard as I could, I could not block out the neighbor's blaring TV, the educational shows from Sam's TV, and the Vietnamese soap opera from my mom's TV. Every detectable sound was another nail pounding into what already was a severe migraine. There was no escape. I was trapped in this situation, trapped in this apartment, trapped in this body, and trapped in this life. I wished I could just press a thermonuclear detonator and fry everything...or scream like a banshee and shatter everything around me.
The meltdown was well on its way to develop into a full-scale panic attack when I had an epiphany. If ever there was a mission from God for me, this was it. I am here, at this moment, in this body, because no one else can do this mission but me. This is my place in the universe. I am a cornerstone in this part of the universe. And with that epiphany, the meltdown disappeared as quickly as it came.
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