The Internal Struggle

Last week I saw a patient with a complaint of depression and the lack of joy in her life.  She felt guilty for having "everything" but enjoyed none of it.  She has done everything that is expected of her and it did bring her a certain amount of success, but she felt like she is trapped all the same.  In the same week I watched the movie Rush (2014) for the second time.  The coincidental timing of the two events caused a surprising insight.

Rush is more than a great racing story.  It is an analogy of the internal human struggle between the mind and the spirit.  The rivalry played out between Nikki Lauda and James Hunt not only mirrors this struggle beautifully, but it amplifies it for the whole world to see.  Lauda is methodical, calculating, and cautious while Hunt is carefree, living in the moment, and impetuous.  They are, in fact, each other's complement.  They inspire one another...pushing each other's limit...to the point of putting their lives on the line.

Their rivalry was more than just an adversarial relationship.  It was also a mutually inspiring one.  Lauda's crash in 76 would not have happened if Hunt didn't infuriate him so much.  On the flip side, Lauda couldn't have had his miraculously come back without Hunt chasing his tail for the championship.  They are in fact each other's soul mate.

The internal struggle between the mind and spirit is no different than this classic rivalry.  It brings to mind the classic image of the Devil standing on the left shoulder and an Angel standing on the right...except that there is no Devil.  It is only us...or more specifically, the two halves of us.

Each of us is being challenged every moment of our lives to make choices that fall somewhere in between these two polar opposites.  We shouldn't feel that we need to be a Lauda all of the time, doing what's only expected of us.  Nor do we need to be a Hunt all the time in order to enjoy life.  Life is an ebb and flow process, an up-and-down cycle, and an in-and-out act of breathing. Each moment of the life is a unique event, never seen before and never to be repeated again.

Choose what feels right at each precious moment regardless of what is been expected of you.

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.  Baltasar Gracian

P.S.  If you want to see a wonderful analogy of Love and Fear, see Warrior (2011).

A Gift Unrecognized

I'm so conditioned to think in a conventional way, that sometime I completely blinded to all the gifts God granted me.  I have asked God for the experience of spirituality...for being able to be who I truly am...for being the source of love to others...and for having the strength to carry light into darkness.  And God delivered.  I just never saw it until now.

I wasn't sure if I had any expectations how those wishes were to come about.  Maybe I thought I'd wake up one day and [Poof!] there it is!  (That's how a movie would have done it, right?)

No!  If you pray for patience, then God will grant you the last place in a line at the bank...on a Friday...during lunch time...when all the tellers are sick... except for the slowest and oldest bank employee...who also has to answer all the phone calls while tending to the customers in line.

I got what I prayed for.  Sam is my gift of patience.

The Authentic-Self and the Created-Self (Part 1)

The differences between the domain of the soul and that of the mind are very similar to the differences found between The Theory of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics.  The Theory of Relativity concerns itself with most of the observable universe:  things like a pebble on a beach, planets and moons, and galaxies.  Conversely, Quantum Mechanics concerns with the subatomic universe, where things are so small that mass is indistinguishable from energy,  and that mass and energy freely transforms from one to the other continuously.

In the world of Relativity all realities are relative...depending on the locations of their observers.  There is no absolute.  Everything exists, moves, and dies relative to something else.  All physical properties (mass, speed, acceleration, etc) are only measurable once a point of observation has been selected.  Before Relativity, a physical property of an object was thought to be absolute.  The idea that a single object could have a limitless number of possible realities depending on where it was being observed was unimaginable.

Quantum Mechanics was born because Relativity could not explain what was happening in the subatomic world.  The subatomic particles were behaving differently depending on who was doing the observing...despite the fact that all the observers were observing in the same location!

What was the core principle that gives us the very definition of reality in one plane of existence was completely nonsensical in another.  Unlike the macroscopic world, the subatomic world has something that the macroscopic world lacks...an element of absoluteness...pure energy...or pure potential.  This pure potential can manifest itself into different realities depending on who is doing the observing.

Similarly, the mind and the spirit appears to live side by side but they are actually on two separate planes of realities.  The mind exists solely in the realm of relativity.  The mind is the primary tool of the created-self (the Ego) in the construction of its reality.  Like the "realities" set forth by the Theory of Relativity, the mind defines everything from its unique point-of-perspective.  The mind concerns only about where it is in relation to everything else.

The soul, on the other hand, exists as an absolute.   It is the who that causes pure creations in those subatomic experiments.  It does not need something else to which it must compare itself.  Its reality is not relative but absolute.  It is the authentic-Self

All souls are ultimately bound to every other souls, stretching all the way back to the moment of the Big Bang.  A person's soul is what links him to everything else in the Universe.  This is the essence of a person's authentic-self, aka his soul.  Because the soul is linked to everything else in the Universe, it is therefore linked to God.  The authentic Self, the soul, is simply...God.

To Synchronize or Not

A series of related events unfolded sequentially and rapidly soon after my last entry.  I would normally refer to such a phenomenon as synchronicity.   A few years ago I might even be prompted to rush out and buy a lottery ticket whenever that happens.  I think I did that 5 times over the last decade.

It would be too costly for me to continue that practice today.  It seems like these synchronous events are occurring every week now.   So the questions on my mind lately are these:  Why are "synchronicities" occurring more often now than before?  Is something about to happen to the world?  Or has the world changed so much in the last few years?

If you have read any of this blog's previous entries, you probably have already guessed the answers to the above questions.  The world has not changed that much in the last few years.  It is me that has changed...and thereby causing the world around me to change.  Specifically my perspective and perception had changed; therefore, my reality changed.

The latest series of synchronicities started with a critical remark made by my mother and ended with me seeing Akira Kurosawa's Roshomon (1950) for the first time.  In between those two events there were many others (all of which had something to do with  perspectives and perceptions).  One of these noted events is my stumbling across a passage from Lonny Jarrett that states, "Every action has one of two consequences: it either perpetuates or dispels ignorance."  It is another way of saying that you may be in this world but you don't have to be of this world.  I can either choose to see things as they are (dispelling ignorance).   Or I can choose to see things through the distorted lens created by my own ego (perpetuating ignorance).

My guess as to why I'm noticing more synchronicities lately is because I have relaxed greatly the defining boundaries of my reality.  I wasn't a rigid person per se, but I think my "reality" was rigid.  It was based rigidly on "scientific facts" and "deductive reasoning".  If it couldn't be measured or quantified, then it doesn't exist.  That is to say, my reality was consistent with that of most people living in a modern, Westernized society.

When the accepted normal expectations of my reality is no longer acceptable, the limits of that reality start to break down.  And when boundaries, walls, and borders break down, it is much easier to see connections and relations between events, between people, between truths and mid-truths, etc.  The end result is that life becomes an endless stream of synchronicities.

Mind and Body? Or is it Spirit and Body?

It occurred to me recently that the concept of mind and body commonly referenced in the mainstream literature was not consistent with the principle of yin and yang.  Human beings, first and foremost, are spiritual beings.  As Pierre Teilhard de Chardin has said:  We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Yin and yang are polar opposites but they are always bound to one another, transforming into one another, and generating one another.  What is not obvious is that in any yin-yang relationship there is always third force that holds the two opposing forces in check.  Taken together, they represent the sublime relationship of the Holy Trinity.  Some of the more well-known examples are Father-Son-Holy Spirit, Conscious-Subconscious-Super conscious, and Mind-Body-Spirit.

The Mind-Body concept at first appears seemingly to be opposite.  We have all heard of popular debates between brain-versus-brawn, jocks-versus-geeks, and looks versus personalities.  Perhaps the reason why the spirit goes unnoticed is because the body and the mind are just too obvious to ignore.  The body is concrete.  We get confirmation of its existence on all sensory levels.  The mind is also hard to ignore with its constant talking inside our heads.  It's easy to see why the spirit got passed over when it is so naturally unassuming.

It dawned on me one morning why the mind could NEVER be the "yang" in the yin-yang relationship that exists within all of us.  It happened one morning when I was enjoying an exhilarating walk looking at trees and clouds while breathing in the fresh air.  As usual my mind was drifting from one subject to another...always thinking...like a constant humming of an AC in the background.  However on that day, there wasn't much for me worry about.  So for the first time in my life, I suddenly noticed how heavenly it was to have a "true quiet moment".   My mind actually had nothing to say.  It was eerily quiet.  Someone had finally turned off the AC and its familiar constant humming was suddenly no longer there.  It was only at this moment that I realize that the culprit that has been suppressing my spirit was actually my own mind all along.

I understand now that the mind could never be the spiritual part of ourselves.  The mind's job is to create our individual realities.  Each of us lives within a certain reality, and it is the job of the mind to maintain that reality.  Certain realities are common knowledge, such as physical laws.  Things fall to the ground because of gravity.  The sun rises in the east and sets in the west because the earth rotates from east to west.

Other realities are more individually specific.  For example an Asian male immigrant who had to abandon his native country when he was only nine would have a different perspective (and reality) than a black female who was raised in Alabama during the Civil Rights Movement.  Whatever the circumstances maybe, the mind takes those circumstances and create a certain reality for each of us.  Realities are nothing more than personal beliefs.  The more we believe in something (whether it be true or not) the more real it seems to us.

I picture the mind as a self-contained maze that holds inside its walls both the yin and yang elements.  How freely yin flows into yang and vice versa depends on how complicated the maze is.  The less twists and turns we have built into our mazes, the easier the flow of our yin and yang energies.  Of course, the yin and yang energies here refer to the energy of the body and the spirit.  I have personally felt much more alive when my mind is quiet.  There is no longer a barricade to impede the flow of yin and yang.  The body respond quicker to the energy fed by the spirit.  The spirit is also much more intuitive from all the sensory information it receives from the body.  Pain and stiffness also seem to be things of the past.  Qi and blood stagnation disappears when the mind stops ruminating.

We can "liberate" ourselves by simplifying our minds.  The less cluttered the mind the easier is the energy flow.  The easier the flow, the more we are in touch with our spiritual selves...or rather our actual TRUE selves.  We can kick start this spiritual liberation by first taking our most rigid beliefs and make them flexible.  Once they are flexible, they can be altered...and eventually even be eradicated.

In truth, true living is simply BE.  There isn't much thought needed to live in a spiritual manner.  I look to my cat for this inspiration.  Every motion he makes is deliberate without much hesitation.  He is tense when there is an unusual noise, but he is also able to relax completely when the threat is no longer there.  He can go from deep sleep state into a state of full alert in a flash.  And conversely he can go back to sleep within seconds after the threat is gone.Without the act of thinking, there is no hesitation going from one impulse to the next.  There is only unimpeded flow.

Most of the stress we experience in our daily lives are caused by our own doing.  The realities that we have constructed for ourselves are so convoluted, so twisted, so full of what-ifs, so full of "his faults" and "her faults", that the mind never has a chance to rest.  It constantly has to process all the complications and facts we feed it because that is its job...to take our circumstances and our beliefs and put them all together into a cohesive reality.  And when the mind is constantly talking, no one notices the spirit stuck waiting in the corner. 

A Friend's Mother

This is my first attempt at watercolor.  The paper shrunk side-to-side more than top-to-bottom...making the subject appears thinner than the original drawing.

A Single Breath...A Single Day

The monk Sakyamuni once asked his disciples, "What is the duration of a person's life?"  Guesses of 60, 70, and 80 years were offered and all were rejected.  The answer was that life is but a breath.  If the atom is viewed as a unit building block of all matter, then perhaps a breath is a unit of life.

A single breath comprises of an inhalation and an exhalation...in and out...full and empty...yang and yin.  It is complete in of itself.  If you can truly live within the duration of a single breath, then past and future has no meaning whatsoever. Tea Masters can spend their whole lives performing thousands of tea ceremonies while striving to perfect that one flawless execution.  Each of us can do the same by striving for that perfect breath...that perfect lifetime...over and over again.

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about a simple guideline for good health.  What I came up with initially were 4 criteria:  adequate rest, adequate exercise, a healthy diet, and minimizing harmful stress.  It was, for the lack of a better word, only "adequate".  It lacks beauty and elegance...and worse of all, the number of criteria is 4.

So the problem was transferred to the back burner of the subconscious until the answer revealed itself to me yesterday.  It was during my meditation on a Single Breath that made me realized that a Single Day is the unit of health.

A day opens with the rising of the sun which signifies the ending of yin and the beginning of yang.  The day ends with the setting of the sun signifying the ending of yang and the beginning of yin.  Yang and yin are not only complementary to each other, but they nourish one another.  Without yang there is no yin and similarly the reverse is true.

During the day, the body needs to be in motion.  Actually a healthy body WANTS to be in motion.  This is how nature intends it.  At night the healthy body wants to be at rest.  If Qi and Blood flows effortlessly, then the body in motion during the day will nourish and generate "healthy yin" for later that night.  Conversely, when the body is able to completely rest at night yin can nourish "healthy yang" for the next morning.

Our busy lifestyles and jam-packed schedules have corrupted the healthy cycle described above.  The late night activities and inadequate sleep produce "scattered yang" instead of "healthy yang".  Instead of having steady and vigorous energy that allows us to focus and complete daily tasks effortlessly, our days are filled with hopelessness, worries, and self-doubt while punctuated sporadically with episodes of panic and mania.

In turn, when we are unable have free flowing yang during the day, our yin turns turbid and pathological.  Healthy yin is like water, clear and life giving.  Turbid yin creates stagnation and heaviness.  Without healthy yin, our minds are restless and our bodies feel sluggish and drained.  We can't get rest the restful sleep that we need to nourish our yang...and the vicious cycle is perpetuated.

Returning to the discussion of a Single Day, we now have the yin and yang components of our day.  The third component is the choices that we make.  Like the yin-yang symbol with a white half and a black half bound within a circle, this "Single Day" unit of health is a relationship of 3...much more sublime than the first criteria set of 4.

The choices we make can keep us on a healthy track or take us down the vicious circle.  These choices affect the creation of yin and yang throughout the day.  These are choices relating to our diet, our emotions, and our reactions to events around us.  These choices determine how much stress we put upon ourselves.  The more stress we add to our day, the more off-track we are from getting our daily dose of "healthy yin" and "healthy yang".  The choice...is entirely up to each of us.